here’s my not-that-random stuff about me that’s supposed to make me kind of endearing or cute. or maybe not, i don’t really understand the purpose to these lists. probably just another chance to talk about myself. in that case, i’m down. 

1. my favorite magazine is esquire. it’s a men’s magazine, but i’m very comfortable with my masculinity. 

2. i collect books like shoes. i buy them and they collect dust. in fact, i’ve only read 33% of my library (and yes, i took the time to count). even more, i have a list of books NOT to buy because i’ve already collected 2 copies of 5 books. what can i say - dr. phil just keeps coming out with amazing shit. 

3. my plan was to go to grad school in new orleans. i made this decision 2 days before katrina. this was the first time i realized the importance of a ‘plan b.’ 

4. i’ve written at least one poem for every guy i’ve been with. and several for every guy i haven’t. 

5. my taste buds for a good cocktail changes with the seasons. started with gin and tonics, long islands, red wine, amaretto sour, whiskey sour. this season is reserved for manhattans. hold the bitters. splash of sour. 

6. i am a medical ethics slut. i love talking about it, reading about it, writing about it, arguing about it over a glass of wine. i will trap a stranger at a bar into a conversation about the difference between medical treatment vs enhancement. the way boys love trapping girls into a conversation about sports. 

7. a list within a list: stephen colbert, anthony bourdain, jason bateman, thom yorke. i’m not sure how appropriate it is to give this list a title. 

8. i have this fear that my car will explode after a fill up. but then again, i’m also afraid of boogers and ghosts. 

9. the only pets i’ve ever had were fish. when gatsby died, i stayed in bed for 2 days and only got up to pee. when curtis died, i handled it a lot better. there were 2 after curtis that i didn’t even get to name because they died so fast. keenon ivory waynes, lou daimond phillips, and neil patrick harris didn’t live too long either. i might need to upgrade to a cat. 

10. as a woman, i only have 2 emotions: hungry and horny. 

11. men look good with facial hair. 

12. i love chicago. i’m not that much of a world traveler, but i’ve been around. rome, mumbai, london, dollywood. but everytime i go east on 88 and see that skyline - it feels like the first time, every time. 

13. my favorite track of all time for right now is shannon’s “let the music play.” 

14. negra modello, stellar artois, blue moon, goose island, hacker pshorr, new castle. but also, pbr. 

15. there is a quiz at the end of the book the definitive guide to stuff white people like. i scored 98% white. i can’t help it if i like bjork and arrested development. and asian girls. 

16. i hate it when men pay for me. for anything. going dutch is great. that way, there’s no obligations for anybody. if he pays though, there’s too much pressure to suck dick at the end of the night. and if you don’t, you’re a high maintenance gold digging cunt. wait a minute…on second thought… 

17. i’ve stopped trying to be cute and clever. i’ve stopped trying to pretend to have good taste. i’ve stopped pretending like i have any kind of style. it’s made me into a fairly boring person, but letting go feels good. 

18. i can’t wait to establish myself! can’t wait to pay for my own furniture and own a condo and buy my first car and pay for cable. i can however, wait to settle and have babies. 

19. the summer of 1996 was dedicated to nada surf, buttholes surfers, and superdrag on heavy rotation. fuck going outside. 

20.evolution makes me cry. civil rights makes me cry. boys do too. but not as much as the first two. 

21. i love smoking cigarettes in bed, before i get out of the covers. when i’m drinking my coffee. and taking a shit. after i make a sale. and all the times in between. 

22. mangoes, guava, pomegranate, pinneapple, star fruit. 

23. i enjoy doing things on my own. going to the movies, out to eat, having a drink after work. some people think it’s sad. i think it makes them more uncomfortable then it does me. 

24. bears and horses really creeps me out. 

25. whenever people ask me how i met someone, my knee-jerk reaction is always “the internet.”